Trust me, I'm a scientist

I do so enjoy fake science on adverts for beauty products. An especial favourite at the moment is the Nivea Visage DNAage range. Apparently it renews your cells! Amazing. And how does it perform this miraculous task? Well, according to the website:

"Our DNA is the base for every cellular renewal process. It's integrity is therefore essential for healthy, younger looking skin. With age, the DNA's own renewal capacity declines and cell damage accumulates.
Leading scientists at NIVEA Laboratires developed an innovative Anti-Age skincare system to reduce DNA damage in your skin whilst promoting healthy skin production"

And then:

"All of them contain the powerful combination of Folic Acid and Creatine to stimulate cell renewal and help protect the skin cells' DNA against further external damage."

Powerful combination? Many breakfast cereals are fortified with folic acid anyway, and creatine naturally occurs in your body! Pretty far out stuff. And 'innovative Anti-Age skincare'? Folic Acid was first synthesised in 1946 and Creatine was identified in 18 fucking 32! This isn't new stuff.
So what do these so-called 'innovative' ingredients actually do? Folate is necessary for DNA replication and the production of new cells (it's particularly important in times of high cell growth, which is why it is taken by pregnant women). Creatine, by way of conversion to/from creatine phosphate, keeps the ATP/ADP ratio in the cell high which ensures that there is enough free energy in the form of ATP present in the cell. We get some of our creatine from food (mostly meat) but the amount synthesized by the liver is enough for most every day activity. According to Nivea, the creatine in their moisturiser gives skin cells the energy to keep renewing. Also, it apparently protects the DNA from external damage. I'd love to know by what mechanism.
I find it highly difficult to believe that by rubbing substances already found in the human body directly onto your face, you're going to stop or even reverse the aging process but then, what would I know? I'm only a biochemist. Nivea assure us that they've tested this on cell lines and shown it to be effective: I for one would love to see the research. If there was actually something that RENEWED skin cells, wouldn't scientists already be using it on people with skin diseases?

Even better, while browsing the Nivea website, I discovered that they also sell an Age Reversal product! Nivea have discovered how to reverse the aging process? They've kept that one quiet. Apparently it's all done with vitamin C, which we all get over our RDA of anyway and it's mostly excreted by the body (we showed this in an experiment in my bloody first year. It's pretty basic stuff). Silly us, we should have all been rubbing it on our faces. If you kept using it, would you keep reversing aging until you ceased to exist? Scary stuff. I for one am not going to risk it.

I'm getting increasingly annoyed by the beauty industry bombarding women (and it is mainly women) with baffling science in order to sell products. The average woman they market these ads at will probably not have a science background and be easily convinced by a bit of techno babble. It irritates me almost as much as the way tabloid newspapers tend to report science news - especially anything to do with genetics - as if it's some mythical field that no one is ever really going to understand. And then we wonder why the general public are against things like genetic engineering and GM foods? The resources available to them to learn about these things are pretty poor, and usually fairly biased. The recent Channel 4 programme on genetic engineering in animals was irritating too- the adverts made it look as if us wacky scientists were playing God and messing about with nature in ways we didn't understand. It was almost as if it was advertising a horror film, never mind something that is so hugely important to fighting many illnesses.

And don't even get me started on animal rights protesters. Yes, us crazy scientists spend all our time doing things like growing ears on mice because it's really, really fun and in no way incredibly difficult or important.

Something else that has deeply annoyed me recently is the campaigns by both Domestos and Fairy. Fairy were giving away free manicure kits with their bottles, and Domestos were giving away pink aprons. I argued that this was enforcing the gender stereotype that only women ever do any cleaning. My mum has just told me that I am enforcing the gender stereotype that only women would want pink aprons and manicure kits. I guess I can't win.

And in conclusion, two questions. The first: why is it much easier to work on a laptop on a sofa than it is on a desktop? My 10yr old sister informs me it's because you're more comfortable and relaxed so you can concentrate better. I think she's right. (incidentally, I've been delighted to come home and discover that she's developed a caffeine habit to rival my own. I must stop drinking it at weird times of night, although for the next fortnight I fully intend to give up on sleep whilst writing my dissertation)
Secondly, what programme is it that will write my bibliography for me? And would anyone like to email me a literature review so that I know what one looks like? I wish I'd actually met with my supervisor at some point over the last year..