I was about to make a really emo post about having not realised it was 'Make Tammy feel stupid day' but having had a sleep and a talk to my dad (ok, it was just swapping jokes with my dad) I feel a lot better.

My mood was helped by the realisation that not only am I currently whizzing through papers that would have baffled me only a year ago, but I'm making connections between them an other papers as I read, catergorizing their importance in terms of the methods used and making my own conclusions about what needs to happen next. While doing this, I am also knitting myself a beautiful slouchy beret in raspberry (it's a raspberry beret!) chunky wool because I no longer need to look at my hands while I knit. I've fucked up the M1 increases a bit because I didn't bother reading exactly how to do them but I've decided to cover these up by knitting little black stars on dpns (I can so use dpns, I'm a genius) and attaching them to the the brim (which I have altered from the pattern so we'll see if it actually fits me)

And I've realised that the only person who ever really makes me feel stupid is me: I have so little faith in my own abilities that I'd much rather act stupid than ever express an opinion, just in case it's wrong. But I've decided I don't want to do that anymore. Everyone can think I'm an idiot if they want, at least I'll be happy.

I'm still feeling really angry about several issues, but the way to deal with this is probably to build something constructive out of the feeling rather than just sit and hate. Maybe I can fuel my dissertation and beret knitting entirely from my anger at organised religion, the media and the people coming into my cafe and assuming I'm a moron just because I work in a shop.